Love is a Collaborative Work of Art

One of my favourite ways to spend my spare time is to watch TED talks- videos of 20 minutes or less – the place where thought leaders are invited to deliver ideas worth sharing. If you haven’t browsed the TED library yet, you really are missing out on a phenomenal source of inspiration. So, I[…]

avoiding conflict

The downside to Harmonious People.

I have the privilege of meeting a broad spectrum of personality types in my work. I am often asked “Are some personalities better suited for relationships than others?” and I would say that no one ‘type’ is better or worse. Of course, some people are better suited for partnering than others, better at being a team player[…]

Before you say “I do”, be sure you say “We did”

“Why isn’t this stuff taught to us at school?” said loads of my ‘Dating Deliberately’ and ‘Pre-Commitment’ coaching clients. (I have officially lost count now). “Why don’t we spend more time understanding the difference between insects and arachnids?” said no one ever. And yet, understanding insects and arachnids are right up there in the school[…]

The myth of the ‘right’ decision.

Inertia. Analysis paralysis. Procrastination. These are often the symptoms of clients stuck at a crossroads needing to make a big, calculated decision. And then there are the additional problems they accumulate when the deadline for the final decision comes and goes and still the decision has not been made. Tips on how to make your[…]

A story of love for skeptics

For all the skeptics- a true love story

“My life changed at the click of a button.” This, from two of the biggest online dating cynics- separated by 9300miles- recounting the details of their incredible love story. Steve (43) and single mother of two kids, Heather (39) sat down with me today to share their unbelievable journey – literally- of the past 6[…]

Relationshipping

I am not sure about other languages but we are definitely short of a word which describes the actions, behaviours and competencies involved in achieving a healthy relationship (noun). ‘Relationshipping’- my word- is a verb used to describe the ‘doing’ part of relationship.  All the actions, words and behaviours that generate a climate for love[…]

How to be Emotionally Buoyant

“Your card has been deactivated-PIN retry exceeded- 03h55”. You know that feeling when your stomach drops and you feel instantly sick because you know something ominous is about to unfold? That was me a few weeks back. When I saw my handbag had been stolen off the table (along with its many contents) including car[…]

Approval Addiction

“As long as we looked and played the part of the perfect family, that was all my mother was concerned about”. This from a client in her 50’s who is still trying to escape from the compelling desire to do the ‘right thing’ and stay in an intolerable marriage, even if her current partner is verbally and emotionally[…]

The best Couple therapy is Individual therapy

We all carry baggage. Some of us are so adept at carrying the load that our legs and back don’t buckle under the weight of it.  The problem with baggage and relationships is that the baggage (regardless of how comfortable you are with it) bumps against your partners and eventually you start blaming each other[…]

Re-Invent your Self

“You have got to force rock bottom”, this was the professional (and personal) advice from an ex-addict running a recovery and rehab programme on how not to enable your loved ones to continue along a path of self destruction. The tough love approach is the only way to go apparently and although it is quite[…]

When talking about problems Doesn’t Help

1600 words = 7minutes “I feel better about my problems when I don’t have to talk about them”, this from a child who was sent into therapy after experiencing some trauma. Boy, did she challenge the one thing that we in the helping profession assumed as ‘the truth’ i.e. talking about our problems makes us[…]