Love is a Collaborative Work of Art

One of my favourite ways to spend my spare time is to watch TED talks- videos of 20 minutes or less – the place where thought leaders are invited to deliver ideas worth sharing. If you haven’t browsed the TED library yet, you really are missing out on a phenomenal source of inspiration. So, I[…]

avoiding conflict

The downside to Harmonious People.

I have the privilege of meeting a broad spectrum of personality types in my work. I am often asked “Are some personalities better suited for relationships than others?” and I would say that no one ‘type’ is better or worse. Of course, some people are better suited for partnering than others, better at being a team player[…]

Before you say “I do”, be sure you say “We did”

“Why isn’t this stuff taught to us at school?” said loads of my ‘Dating Deliberately’ and ‘Pre-Commitment’ coaching clients. (I have officially lost count now). “Why don’t we spend more time understanding the difference between insects and arachnids?” said no one ever. And yet, understanding insects and arachnids are right up there in the school[…]

Relationshipping

I am not sure about other languages but we are definitely short of a word which describes the actions, behaviours and competencies involved in achieving a healthy relationship (noun). ‘Relationshipping’- my word- is a verb used to describe the ‘doing’ part of relationship.  All the actions, words and behaviours that generate a climate for love[…]

The best Couple therapy is Individual therapy

We all carry baggage. Some of us are so adept at carrying the load that our legs and back don’t buckle under the weight of it.  The problem with baggage and relationships is that the baggage (regardless of how comfortable you are with it) bumps against your partners and eventually you start blaming each other[…]

Is it OK to choose me?

A reader from Canada wrote to me with a question she was struggling to find an answer to: “Is it ok to choose me?”   After an affair with another man led to the realization that her marriage was not as fulfilling as she hoped, she wondered, does it make sense to leave a husband who[…]

In celebration of LOVE and re-designing marriage

As commercial and contrived as Valentine’s Day can be, it is also a day carved out as one in 365 with a focus on ‘love’. Be that romantic, friendship or familial – it can’t be all that bad right? And so, on this Valentines Day, in celebration of love, I thought I would discuss how[…]

5 steps to Happily Ever After

Someone asked me recently to describe my blueprint for a healthy, fulfilling marriage. “Break it down for me, step by step”. This is it. 5 steps. Whilst the description is simple, the process is hard. In the same way remaining healthy is an ongoing process of proactive maintenance, having a healthy relationship requires daily attention.[…]

Does love ever hurt?

Love is gentle Word count: 1100 = 5 min read I have really had to look at this thing we call love recently. It really is a word that is thrown around and overused to such a degree, that ‘love’ is hardly recognizable anymore. It has become so diluted that we can (and do) use[…]

MFM92.6 Q + A: I avoid conflict. Is this going to become a problem?

[audio:http://relationshipcoach.blog.com/files/2011/10/Shelley-24-October.mp3|titles=Shelley (24 October)] A listener says, \”I’m in a good relationship, but when my partner and I disagree I’m not very confrontational and just let him ‘win’. Could this bite me in the butt a few years down the line?\” Life, love and relationship coach Shelley Lewin answers listener’s questions every Monday at 08h30 on[…]

Converting issues into intimacy in 5 steps

1 400 words = 5 minutes to read A relationship is live and organic like a living organism/plant. Every interaction we get to choose whether what we do is going to make the relationship better (like nurturing and watering) or worse (like neglect and intense heat). It is an ongoing choice to either help it[…]