Love is a Collaborative Work of Art

One of my favourite ways to spend my spare time is to watch TED talks- videos of 20 minutes or less – the place where thought leaders are invited to deliver ideas worth sharing. If you haven’t browsed the TED library yet, you really are missing out on a phenomenal source of inspiration. So, I[…]

Before you say “I do”, be sure you say “We did”

“Why isn’t this stuff taught to us at school?” said loads of my ‘Dating Deliberately’ and ‘Pre-Commitment’ coaching clients. (I have officially lost count now). “Why don’t we spend more time understanding the difference between insects and arachnids?” said no one ever. And yet, understanding insects and arachnids are right up there in the school[…]

The myth of the ‘right’ decision.

Inertia. Analysis paralysis. Procrastination. These are often the symptoms of clients stuck at a crossroads needing to make a big, calculated decision. And then there are the additional problems they accumulate when the deadline for the final decision comes and goes and still the decision has not been made. Tips on how to make your[…]

A story of love for skeptics

For all the skeptics- a true love story

“My life changed at the click of a button.” This, from two of the biggest online dating cynics- separated by 9300miles- recounting the details of their incredible love story. Steve (43) and single mother of two kids, Heather (39) sat down with me today to share their unbelievable journey – literally- of the past 6[…]

Relationshipping

I am not sure about other languages but we are definitely short of a word which describes the actions, behaviours and competencies involved in achieving a healthy relationship (noun). ‘Relationshipping’- my word- is a verb used to describe the ‘doing’ part of relationship.  All the actions, words and behaviours that generate a climate for love[…]

The best Couple therapy is Individual therapy

We all carry baggage. Some of us are so adept at carrying the load that our legs and back don’t buckle under the weight of it.  The problem with baggage and relationships is that the baggage (regardless of how comfortable you are with it) bumps against your partners and eventually you start blaming each other[…]

When talking about problems Doesn’t Help

1600 words = 7minutes “I feel better about my problems when I don’t have to talk about them”, this from a child who was sent into therapy after experiencing some trauma. Boy, did she challenge the one thing that we in the helping profession assumed as ‘the truth’ i.e. talking about our problems makes us[…]

Couples who make it work

‘Follow your bliss’. I see it, hear it, read it constantly in my never-ending research on what it means to live and work well.  One man, whose passion it was to get a date and have a girlfriend, began researching and studying ‘what makes couples work’ over those who couldn’t seem to get it right.[…]

Befriend Yourself First

It’s so true. “When you get married you’re not just signing up for one marriage, you’re signing up for many marriages. It’s going to change from romantic infatuation to intimate bonding, to living together, to having children. It’ll change through family, through aging bodies and changing endocrine systems. Each one of those changes is associated[…]

In celebration of LOVE and re-designing marriage

As commercial and contrived as Valentine’s Day can be, it is also a day carved out as one in 365 with a focus on ‘love’. Be that romantic, friendship or familial – it can’t be all that bad right? And so, on this Valentines Day, in celebration of love, I thought I would discuss how[…]

When sh1t happens

If you are couple and have experienced together a sick child, moving home/city/country, financial losses, death or endured some kind of chaos or trauma, you will know the relentless strain external circumstances can place on a relationship. Two people experiencing turmoil simultaneously can be the nail in the coffin for any relationship. That kind of[…]

Keeping the spark

A few conversations recently about keeping the romance alive and well in long term relationships generated some interesting results. How can we do it? Is it realistic to expect eons of rapture or will all relationships eventually become more of a business partnership with a shared objective of raising children? Not so. If our marriages[…]